just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize