4 words: hood of his car
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
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You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
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I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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