God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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