I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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