Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize