If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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