I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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