I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Randomize
