That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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