we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
