He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
