on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
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