mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
