my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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