I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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