I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
