Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize
