forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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