I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
