I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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