i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
