She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
