He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
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Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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