He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize