He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
