He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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