Already got asked if we're dating
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
