I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
