a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
