3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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