so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
