On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
