Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
