I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
