my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
