last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
