Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
