It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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