Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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