Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize