Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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