I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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