I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
