Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
