Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
