that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
