Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
