I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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