Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
