I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
