I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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