This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
