Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
