OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
