Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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