a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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