Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
