i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Less talking, more tequila
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A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
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Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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