Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
pray to the hookup gods
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
