I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
