Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Say something about gay babies.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
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