Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
