saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
