"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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